Title
by Purple Astro
Summary: Just your average day in the Digiworld...


A/N: Jeff made me!! But I still don't own them. Sob sob. No insult intended to the characters.  
Jeff: Liar.  
No I'm not!  
Jeff: Liar.  
Anyway...  
  
  
Title  
(Note to self: think of title)  
  
The Digidestined were walking through-um-a wood. It's usually a wood, right?  
Jeff: Right.  
"My feet hurt!" Mimi called.  
"Oh, there's a surprise." Sora said, rolling her eyes.  
"Mimi! You can't start complaining yet. I haven't set up the episode." Tai said.  
"Oh. Sorry. Go ahead." Tai cleared his throat.  
"Izzy, are we any nearer the mysterious signal Gennai told us about that for some reason we have to go find?" Izzy checked his script.  
"Joe's supposed to interrupt with a cowardly question."  
"Are you..."  
"I have a question." Joe fussed with his glasses. "If no one knows what the signal's for, why are we looking for it? It could be dangerous."  
"Are we making fun or just ignoring him?" Tai asked Izzy.  
"Ignoring. We're getting closer, but I think we should set up camp now."  
"OK. It's almost time to give the Digimon their token scene anyway."  
"First you and Matt have to fight." Sora pointed out. Tai groaned.  
"Do we have to? Can't we pretend this is 02?" Matt stormed up.  
"What's that supposed to mean?" He shoved Tai. Tai shoved him back.   
''Nothing! Just that we don't fight in 02!'' Joe suddenly perked up.   
''Is this 02? Because if it is, I'm a doctor, not a coward.''  
''Sorry, Joe, I'm eight.'' TK said. Joe sulked.  
''TK!'' Mimi yelled suddenly. ''You were supposed to stop Tai and Matt! Hurry, before they actually fight! And my feet hurt!'' TK hurried back to where Tai and Matt were still yelling at each other.  
''Take that back!''  
''You take that back!''  
''Who's gonna make me?''  
''Stop!'' TK said, after catching his breath. Tai and Matt instantly jumped away from each other.  
''Gezz, TK, cut it a little closer next time.'' Tai grumbled. ''Oh well, set up camp now.'' The scenery blurred and a moment later the camp was ready.  
''Digimon scene!'' Tai called. ''Agumon, come light the fire for us!'' While Agumon was spitting at the fire, apparently thinking that would set it alight, Gabumon had a sensitive  
Jeff: smushy.  
A: sensitive!  
Jeff: she means smushy.  
A: Oh fine then.  
Gabumon had a smushy conversation with Matt. Sora looked thoughtful, forcing Byiomon to ask what was wrong. Mimi and Palmon complained at each other without listening. Izzy and Tentomon stared at the computer. TK made Patamon pretend to be a football, and Kari fell mysteriously ill for no apparent reason, recovering miraculously when she realized no one cared. Seconds later, the scene blurred again and became night.  
''Definitely not 02.'' Tai said. ''It's never night in the Digiworld in 02.'' Matt shoved him.  
''What's that supposed to mean?''  
''Matt, we've had our fight scene.'' Tai reminded him.   
''Oh.'' Matt scratched his head. ''Don't we sometimes fight in the evening as well?''  
''I dunno. Ask Izzy. Only not right now, it'll be morning any minute and we have to do a 'waking up' scene.''  
''Do we have to?'' Mimi asked. ''I hate those. My hair's always messy in the mornings.''  
''God, Mimi, you're such a bimbo.'' Sora said. ''Oops, I mean, um--oh, something supportive. I'm too tired to actually think of anything.'' The scenery blurred again and it was day. The Digimon disappeared to wherever it was they went when they weren't actively involved in the episode. Everyone kind of stood around and stared at each other for a few minutes. Finally, Kari cleared her throat.  
"Tai, we're waiting for you."  
''Oh. Sorry.'' He cleared his throat. ''Let's go, guys! We've got to find that signal before Myotismon!''  
''We killed him.'' Matt reminded him.   
''Who are we fighting then?'' Tai asked uncertainly. Sora shrugged.  
''Meh. Whoever happens along, I guess.''  
''Aren't we fighting the Dark something-or-others?'' Mimi asked, examining her nails as she spoke. ''Urgh, I need a manicure.''  
''Guys...'' Izzy's eyes were wide. ''I think Mimi got the right answer!''  
''What? Isn't that a sigh of the Apocolypse?'' Joe asked, looking around nervously. Mimi looked up, metaphorically flaring her nostrils.  
''What did you say?''  
''Um--nothing?'' Mimi did a fairly good impression of Xena's war cry and attacked Joe. Tai looked around.  
''Which way are we supposed to go, Izzy?'' Izzy shut his eyes and spun around in a circle. After they'd picked him up and dusted him off, he shrugged and pointed in a random direction.  
''That way. Do you think someone should rescue Joe?''  
"Nah, I'm sure he can handle it. Let's go, guys." Behind them, Joe metaphorically dusted off his black belt in T'ai Chi and-metaphorically of course-handed Mimi's arse to her.  
"Tai, I think we might be coming up on another Digimon scene." Izzy warned him as they climbed a mountain.  
"What? Already? We just had one of those!"  
"Yeah, but I think we're about to get attacked. By...someone with several syllables in his name."  
"Why are all the Dark Masters male?" Sora asked.  
"What's-her-name the angel one wasn't. Or won't be, since we haven't...fought...her...yet..." Izzy trailed off under their stares.  
"How many scripts do you get at a time anyway?" Kari asked.  
"Never you mind that." Tai said quickly. "Izzy, who are we getting attacked by?"  
"Um...well, there's an 'm'...and the last part is 'mon'..." he flushed under their glares. "So I can use the computer. I never said I could read as well."  
"Give me that." Matt snatched the computer from him. "Hey, what the...the thing's in Japanese! How am I supposed to read that?" Izzy snatched it back.  
"Because you are Japanese, dolt. Tai, does it matter if we don't know his name?"  
"Yes! How can we yell his name in horror when he attacks if we don't know his name?"  
"Oh, honestly." Joe took the laptop. Izzy pouted at that. "It's Metaletemon." He handed it back again.  
"Weren't you and Mimi supposed to fight him, and have Leomon touchingly sacrifice himself for you or something?" Tai sounded bored. Joe shrugged.  
"Don't ask me, I'm not the writer. The script says he's going to swing in on a vine..."  
"Never mind that there aren't any trees around." Matt muttered.  
"...bore us all to sleep by talking about how he once was Etemon and now he's Metaletemon, and then attack."  
"Then what?" Joe scrolled down the page.  
"To be continued."  
"I hate that!" Tai yelled. "All right guys, the sooner Metaletemon attacks us the sooner we can find out what happens" his voice changed suddenly "Next time on Digimon: Digital Monsters!" Everyone slowly stepped away from him. Agumon appeared out of nowhere, standing right next to him.  
"Uh-oh." Izzy said, noticing Agumon's appearance. A quick check revealed that all the Digimon had reappeared. "Tai! Fight coming up now!" Right on cue, Metaletemon appeared. He was indeed swinging on a vine.  
"Hey! Where'd he get the vine?" TK demanded.  
"Hey Digidestined! I'm back! Miss me?" Sora nudged Tai.  
"Go on. You know you have to." She prompted him. Tai sighed.  
"Fine, but I swear I'm pulling out of the next series. Maybe limited appearances or something." He cleared his throat, moving to the front of the group. "Metaletemon. How can this be. We already destroyed you. How can you possibly have come back." He droned in a monotone. Under his breath, he added, "There. Happy now?"  
"Ah, Digidestined. You remember the last time we met..." Metaletemon paused and looked around. The Digidestined were already asleep from sheer boredom. "Anyway, ATTACK!"  
  
Can the Digidestined escape Metaletemon? Will Leomon have to touchingly sacrifice himself? Will anyone care the next time Kari falls mysteriously ill? Find out, right now!  
  
  
"Ahh! Everyone run away panicked!" Tai yelled. Everyone scattered, exept TK.  
"TK! Duck!" Matt yelled.  
"Aw, Matt! I'm a big kid now! I can take care of yoop!" Angemon tackled him, just missing one of Metaletemon's blasts.  
"TK, what the f**k is wrong with you? Don't forget if you go, I go, and if we go I am going to make your life h**l!"  
"Go, Angemon!" Kari cheered. "I mean, go, Angewomon!"  
"Stupid rip-off name." Angewomon muttered, having digivolved a few lines ago while you weren't looking.  
"OK guys, let's Digivolve!" Tai yelled cheerfully.  
"Tai, we did that. See the giant orange dinosaur up there?" Sora pointed.  
"Oh. Right."  
"I think I'm having a crises. Or possibly a depression." Matt said gloomily.  
"You can't have it yet." Mimi said firmly. "First defeat the evil Digimon, then have the crises."  
"Oh yeah. Thanks, Mimi."   
"No problem." They returned to alternately cheering on their Digimon, and groaning when Metaletemon hit them.  
"Oh come on!" Tai yelled, checking his watch. "This fight's been going on way too long?"  
"Has it? Sorry." Metaletemon said, obligingly dropping his guard for War Greymon to hit him.  
"How come War Greymon always gets to win?" Mimi sulked: Lilymon had been hit early and returned to the level below Palmon.  
"Because Tai sulks otherwise." Sora shrugged. "And I think it's in his contract." While the girls compared notes on Tai's sulking techniques, Metaletemon wasn't destroyed.  
Author: Hah! Fooled you!  
Jeff: What? I'm sorry, I wasn't looking.  
"Hah! You puny Digiestined can't destroy me!"  
"Begone, Metaletemon, least I crush your chest with my mighty fist that can't withstand one of your blows!" SabarLeomon yelled, leaping dramatically over everyone's head and falling dramatically over the edge of the nearest cliff.  
"Oh no." Mimi said monotonely. "SabarLeomon. Please don't be dead."  
"I'm not dead!" SabarLeomon leapt up the cliff again.  
"Rats!" Mimi muttered. SabarLeomon explained that he'd come to help save the kids, and incidentally he could Digivolve now, had anyone noticed?  
"Yay. Go, SabarLeomon." The Digidestined cheered.  
"What? Siding with the enemy? Can't have that!" Metaletemon yelled cheerfully. "Big scary attack!" Everyone was very smart and ran away, except Mimi, who stood and watched the attack creep ever so slowly nearer to her.  
"Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!" SabarLeomon yelled, jumping into the way of the blast, knocking Mimi over.  
"SabarLeomon!" everyone yelled.  
"Gabumon, I mean Metal Garurumon, beat up Metaletemon for us there." Matt added.  
"Sure thing, Matt!" Metal Garurumon said cheerfully, and proceeded to beat the snot out of Metaletemon.  
"SabarLeomon, please don't die!" Mimi cried.  
"Yeah, think of Ogremon! What's he supposed to do if he can't beat you?" Tai asked. Then he suddenly fell over sideways with a big bump on his head. Kari looked around innocently.  
"I'll come back (cough, cough) in the Primary Village..."  
"Primary Village has been destroyed, remember?" Joe said, adjusting his glasses.  
"Oh yeah." He blinked slightly. "Maybe I better not die then."  
"No, it's all right. We'll defeat the Dark Masters and bring Primary Village back to life!" Mimi said cheerfully.  
"Oh ok then." SabarLeomon vanished.  
"SabarLeomon! Noooo!" Mimi yelled. He reappeared.  
"Wait, you did say I could die?"  
"Oh yeah. Go on." Matt said easily. He vanished again. Mimi sniffled a bit.  
"Mimi, are you ok?" Palmon asked. Mimi ignored that question.  
"What happened to Metaletemon while we were very carelessly not looking at him at all?" Tai asked, having recovered from the mysterious bump on the head he'd received a few minutes earlier. Kari looked around innocently.  
"Metal Garurumon took care of him for us." Matt said.  
"What? War Greymon's supposed to do that!" Matt shoved him.  
"Well he didn't all right!" Tai shoved him back.  
"No it's not all right!"  
"Guys, wait! I'm getting an e-mail from...uh, no, never mind." Izzy flushed and closed the window before anyone else could see it.  
"Yeah!" Tai pushed Matt again.  
"Hey! I was supposed to push you!" Matt complained.  
"Matt, weren't you having a crises, or a depression or something?" Mimi asked, having apparently recovered from SabarLeomon's death.  
"Oh yeah. Em...oh, I'm nervous now."  
"Go on, Matt, you can do it!" TK cheered.  
"OK. Um...oh, none of you care about me. You all hate me!"  
"Yes we...I mean, no we don't!" TK said, looking confused.  
"No! I know you don't! Tai's trying to steal TK from me!"  
"No I'm not! What do I want TK for? I've already got Kari! Hey, do you want Kari?" Tai asked. Then he mysteriously fell over again with a large lump on the back of his head. Kari looked around innocently.  
"Will you stop doing that!?" Sora said. Kari shrugged.  
"Oh, I'm so depressed, I may have to wander off and find myself." Matt said.  
"Um...Matt?" Joe said. "This is you right here." He poked Matt's shoulder.  
"What do you know, that is me! Thanks, Joe! Now I know where I am!"  
"Gee, that was easy." Tai muttered, ducking Kari's swing. Kari, thrown off balance, missed Tai completely and hit a nearby tree, which somehow gave her a mysterious illness. Sora looked a bit concerned, probably out of habit, but no one else seemed to care.  
"Izzy, what's supposed to happen now that we've beaten Metaletemon?" Tai asked Izzy.  
"The hyperlink conduits on my laptop's over longterm memory module haven't polygomised to the optimal level yet, so..."  
"In English?"  
"I haven't got the next script yet."  
"What? How are we supposed to work without the script?" Tai yelled.  
"Make it up?" Joe suggested.  
"Hey, this could be our chance to show everyone what we're really like, and how unlike our characters we are!" Sora suggested enthusiastically.  
"Wait, the script's just come." Izzy said. Sora face-faulted. "Ok...uh-huh...oh, that could be good...um...geez, that's gonna hurt..."  
"Izzy, tell us already!" Tai demanded.  
"Well, first of all this mountain's gonna collapse any minute."  
"Oh, I see...what?! Everyone run around or scream in a panic!"  
Everyone ran around or screamed in panic as ominous grinding sounds were heard coming from within the mountain.  
"Tai, do you think maybe if we tried to get off the mountain, that might be better?" Matt suggested. Tai, however, was too busy running around screaming for Kari to answer, and Matt shook his head.  
"Scene break!"  
  
  
Can the Digidestined escape from the mountain in time? Is Kari going to get better? How chicken can Joe actually be? Find out next time, on Digimon! Digital Monsters!  



End file.
